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Soooooooooooooo. It has been so long since we really disagree and fought about something. I am just so thankful to have Winston. I mean c’mon, couples fight. When they don’t fight, that is when all the problems arise.
Last night, as usual, Winston was reprimanding about my stupidity and my over-dependence on him. I was upset, me being me, I kept quiet. He flared up, said the same hurtful thing again. “You want to keep quiet again right? How many times must I tell you how much I hate you keeping quiet? You know, this didn’t happen once or twice. I can tolerate all these shit now doesn’t mean I can later. One day this is gonna blow.” Wow. I was fighting my every means to not cry because we all know how much guys hate it when we cry. After all the battling with my eye muscles, I couldn’t win the drops of tears that weighed hundreds of kilograms.
I teared. I sobbed. I broke into tears and started crying. I hate the fact that whenever something happened, whenever we got into disagreement, he chose to say this. He has, he had the idea of giving up. I hate how much I want him. I hate how much I am terrified of losing him. Frankly speaking, we don’t fight. We don’t always fight, but when we do, it is always the same problem. I tried to change, but it is always relating to my stupidity, it’s something that I might not be able to change!
Alright, so when we were reaching home, I wiped all my tears, took a deeeep breath and calmed myself down. The moment I reached home, grabbed my towel and headed straight to the bathroom. I broke down into tears again. Tears flushed down my face, blending into the shower. I couldn’t help it but to ask God, why am I not good enough. Why am I not perfect. Here’s something about me. I don’t really give a flying fuck about my career. I might not do well, I might just cry about it but I forget about it the next day. But my biggest goal in life, is to be the most perfect girl my guy can find. I accommodate to what they want, I tried to fit in like a puzzle, but it’s always that last puzzle piece that screwed up. It was as though the last piece doesn’t belong to the whole puzzle picture. However, something struck me. No one is perfect. No one can ever be perfect.
Ahh shit can I just cut my stupid story short? Hahah so after my shower, I got a kiss from Winston. He even patted me to sleep. Heeeehehehehehhehehehehe. I’m grateful for him because I feel that as much as he loves to and has to scold me, he did it for my own good. I appreciate the fact that even though we had disagreement, the little squabbles and fights that we have only made us stronger. We are almost a year now, and I am proud to say that I MIGHT be able to count the number of times we fought. (:
- Dr Seuss
It’s true.